Ep 1. | It’s easier to stay out than get out.
In this episode we introduce the New Adages and dive into the New Adage “It’s easier to stay out than get out.” Karen and I have very different interpretations of this adage, both of which are useful. We also introduce #peakmoments, another way to be more present every day and bank up joy.
What are The New Adages?
We all know how difficult it can be to learn a new behavior. Karen’s way of helping individuals learn ways of working on themselves is to use adages.
Throughout her practice she has used these sayings to help clients deal with things immediately. They serve as prompts to actions for self checking. Many new adages are interconnected, but they are meant to be explored in any order, and revisited frequently.
How do you use The New Adages?
We all have automatic thoughts that we repeat to ourselves over and over again. This makes our neurons fire in a certain way. When we change those thoughts from negative to positive, the old neurons die, and new ones are created.
The New Adages can take over old negative thoughts and actions, and change the way you think and respond to external events, as well as your own moods and feelings. Mindfulness made easy.
The best way to utilize a New Adage is to find one that resonates with you, and use it. Read it in the morning and at night. Turn it over in your mind. Think of times it would’ve helped you in the past.
Use the adage as an affirmation. Talk about it with friends and colleagues. Watch and be aware. When you are at a crossroads, this adage will actually put you into mindfulness, and will alter your old ways of doing things.
New Adages featured in this episode
This is one of Karen’s most favorite quotes and should be a filter for almost all of the decisions you make in life. It simply means to think before you speak or act, consider the ramifications, and then proceed with caution. It is so much harder to talk your way out of something, or get out of something that you committed to, than it is to just stay out of it in the first place.
The use of this New Adage automatically sets a boundary and Natalie and Karen have very different interpretations of this boundary. Karen uses it more often in conversation – knowing when to speak and when not to speak. Natalie uses it more in action – knowing when to commit to something and when not to commit to something. Both interpretations are valid and useful.
What are Peak Moments?
Sometimes our expectations of happiness are all messed up. We seem to expect happiness to be an extreme high. Intense excitement is what Asian philosophers call the “near enemy” of true joy. It is something that looks like the genuine thing but is in reality its evil twin.
When we expect happiness to feel like the best part of a thrill ride, or a huge jackpot win in Las Vegas, or an incredibly romantic night, we are missing the point of true happiness. (Not to say these aren’t great experiences.)
This is where peak moments come in to play. We need to be constantly aware of how we are feeling in the peaceful moments of pure contentment. Peak moments come in many shapes and sizes and can be some of the quietest. Finishing a great book, watching a movie that we totally connect to, sitting with a loved one and feeling understood, watching a sunset. Peak moments come to us all the time if we know what they are and pay attention to our lives as we live them.
In this episode Karen shares a peak moment from a trip to Vegas and Natalie shares a peak moment from the 4th of July 2018.
The Kindred Conversation
Karen Kindred, LCSW
Produced by: Leanna House